First Responders

How has emotional numbness affected you in your job and at home?

Confronting Emotional Numbness: Impact on Work and Home

Yeah, emotional numbness in our career fields, in the first responder career field, as well as the military, is one of those things that we have to deal with. And it's one of those aspects in which you have to evaluate if you're being numb to every single situation or you're putting yourself in that numbness kind of category with emotions just to get through that moment in the job. And emotional numbness has affected me in multiple different ways on the job and also at home when I wasn't able to identify it. And the easiest way to identify emotional numbness is to kind of have a thought process after you've went through an event that you know should have some kind of impact on you or maybe you know is really still in your mind but you're telling yourself that it's not a big deal. That's when you can start to understand and start to analyze what that emotional numbness is or when you're getting it. And make sure that you're processing through the things that you need to to be able to be as whole of a person as you can and not be that person that's just tucking things away and then eventually they'll come out in times you don't want.

Emotional numbness is when you are not allowing yourself to feel emotions in order to cope with a situation. It can have an impact on your job and home life, but it is important to identify and be aware of it and process through the emotions so they don't come out at times you don't want.

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Emotional numbness is something that individuals in career fields like first responders and the military often have to confront. It's a coping mechanism that allows us to navigate challenging situations and get through difficult moments on the job. However, emotional numbness has had an impact on me both professionally and personally, especially when I didn't recognize it. One way to identify emotional numbness is by reflecting on events that should have affected me emotionally, but I find myself dismissing or downplaying their significance. Recognizing these patterns helps me understand when and how emotional numbness occurs. It's crucial to process the emotions related to these experiences and strive to be emotionally whole rather than suppressing them, as they may resurface at inopportune times.

What are some common obstacles or challenges that people face when trying to take ownership of their experiences?

Conquering Fear: The Key to Owning Your Experiences

Some of the most common mistakes and challenges really that face people about owning experiences is the fear. The fear of judgment, the fear of backlash, the fear of not feeling yourself as good enough. So making sure that you understand where that fear is based, where that inability to take that ownership in the moment, what is the true meaning behind it. And we've all done it, I've done it. There's a lot of fear that drives our life. And fear is good in certain circumstances, but when we're talking about ownership of experiences, it's so important, so valuable as we go through life and we learn, even in our older ages, that fear of what other people think or what other people are going to say or if you did something wrong, the fear of the consequences, we have to take those as they come. That is your life, that is your journey, that is your experiences.

Fear of judgement or backlash is one of the most common mistakes people make when it comes to taking ownership of their experiences. It is important to understand where that fear is coming from and take ownership of your life, journey, and experiences despite the fear.

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One of the main challenges people face when trying to take ownership of their experiences is fear. This fear can manifest in various ways, such as the fear of judgment, backlash, or not feeling good enough. It's crucial to understand the root of this fear and why it hinders our ability to take ownership in the moment. We have all experienced this fear at some point in our lives. While fear can serve a purpose in certain situations, it becomes a barrier when it comes to owning our experiences. It is important to recognize the value and significance of taking ownership throughout our lives, even as we grow older. Fear of what others think or say, fear of making mistakes and facing consequences are inevitable aspects of life's journey. Embracing these challenges is essential as they shape our individual experiences and personal growth.

How have you built a resilient mindset to deal with constantly seeing peoples� worst moments on calls?

Building a Resilient Mindset: Coping with Others' Worst Moments

So how do we, how have I built a resilient mindset to deal with constantly seeing people's worst moments? I think one of the biggest things is that it takes time. Understanding that it's not going to be after your first call, it's not going to be something that you're going to be super great at initially off the bat. And as you grow older and as you go through more things in your career, you're going to start to build these little things in your mind to be able to tell yourself that, hey, I'm not going to understand all of these bad moments that are happening to people and I am there to do my best. I'm going to do everything that I can in that moment to be able to help this person. And when that moment's done, it is not your fault. And I think that's one of the biggest things for resilient mindsets is to be able to come back to all these calls, to come back to traumas and everything like that is to make sure it's not being forgetful, but it's believing that in that moment I gave everything that I had, I left all of my effort on that scene. That is so critical to have that resilient mindset to continue because then you can continue to show your best for those people in their worst moments.

Building a resilient mindset to deal with constantly seeing people's worst moments takes time. It is important to remember that it is not your fault when things don't go as planned, and you should make sure to leave all of your effort on the scene in order to have the best chance of helping the person in need.

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Building a resilient mindset to handle constantly witnessing people's worst moments on calls takes time and experience. It's important to understand that it won't happen overnight or after just one call. As you progress in your career and gain more exposure to difficult situations, you develop coping mechanisms.

One key aspect is reminding yourself that you can't fix or understand every bad moment someone is going through. Your role is to do your best and provide assistance in that moment. Once the call is over, it's crucial to recognize that the outcome is not solely your responsibility.

Maintaining a resilient mindset means acknowledging that you gave your all during the call and left no effort behind. It's not about forgetting the experiences, but rather believing that you did everything you could to help. This mindset is essential for consistently showing up and providing your best support to people during their most challenging moments.

Can you talk about the interplay between self-belief and confidence?

The Key to Confidence: Understanding Self-Belief's Influence

Yeah, so this is an interesting one. The interplay between self-belief and confidence. A lot of people think it's actually the same thing, but realistically confidence is something that I would think, and from my opinion, is actually more of an outward expressing thing. It's through your actions that you can show confidence. And self-belief is that internal mechanism, that internal voice that allows you to have that confidence. So if you think about it, that self-belief is something that builds your confidence in different circumstances. Not only to be able to do the things that you want to do, but to be able to perform for other people as a team, and be able to have that successes and those failures, but at the same time not relying on that to be able to believe in yourself. And so self-belief is something that you have to have. We talked about, I've talked about it before actually, that internal conversation that you have to have. You have to be your best advocate, you have to be your best coach, and you have to be your best positive voice to continue to move forward.

Self belief and confidence have a strong interplay - self belief is an internal mechanism that builds your confidence to be able to do the things you want, while confidence is an outward expression of this.

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The interplay between self-belief and confidence is an intriguing topic. While some may consider them to be the same thing, I view confidence as an outward expression, demonstrated through actions. On the other hand, self-belief is an internal mechanism, an inner voice that fuels confidence. It's the foundation that builds confidence in various situations, enabling us to pursue our goals, perform as part of a team, and navigate both successes and failures. However, self-belief should not solely rely on external validation. It's essential to cultivate that internal conversation, acting as our own advocate, coach, and positive voice to propel ourselves forward.

How can someone develop a mindset of self-belief in the face of self-doubt?

Mastering the Art of Self-Belief: Conquering Self-Doubt

This is a great question of how do you develop a mindset of self-belief in the face of self-doubt? That sounds like an internal mindset conflict and that's really what it comes down to is that your internal conversation and your ability to hone that, your ability to work through that is what's going to help you in those circumstances. If you're able to have a positive, it's not the happy-go-lucky positive, but if you're able to have a positive mindset and a positive self-talk in those moments of doubt, that's going to help you more than anything to have that self-belief mindset a majority of the time. Are we all going to doubt ourselves that time? Are we all going to have really harsh words internally for ourselves? Oh, hell yeah you are. That is a normal thing for everybody to have, but is that a productive negative talk or is it a counterproductive negative talk? That's what you really have to come down to. The only way that you can work on self-doubt and self-belief in that internal conversation is to put yourself in circumstances that will do that. I did that on the bike of most Ironmans. I had a lot of time to talk to myself and I really learned a lot about myself.

To develop a mindset of self-belief in the face of self-doubt, practice positive self-talk and put yourself in situations that will help you build that confidence. Be aware of your internal conversations and how they can be productive or counterproductive to achieving your goals.

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Developing a mindset of self-belief in the face of self-doubt is all about mastering your internal conversation. It's normal to have moments of doubt and engage in negative self-talk, but the key is to shift towards a positive mindset and positive self-talk. This doesn't mean being blindly optimistic, but rather cultivating a productive internal dialogue that supports your self-belief. It's important to understand that everyone experiences self-doubt and harsh self-criticism at times. The crucial factor is whether this internal talk is productive or counterproductive. To work on self-doubt and develop a belief in oneself, it's necessary to put yourself in challenging circumstances that push you to confront and overcome those doubts. For example, I personally experienced this on the bike during Ironman races, where I had ample time for introspection and learned valuable lessons about myself.

How do you define emotional control, and why is it important?

Unlocking Emotional Control: The Key to Empathy and Relatability

So I define emotional control as being able to have an emotional response but being able to control it in the moment and being able to understand how to control it. It's such a it's a very hard thing to do especially when you have emotions that you haven't felt before or you have strong emotions or opinions on something. Emotional control is such a important thing when we deal with tolerance and also with empathy because a lot of times I know when I was younger you know if somebody hadn't went through what I had went through and they're complaining about pain or something like that and I was like oh you know what what are you talking about why you why you complaining and that is not emotional control. Emotional control is so important because it helps you to be able to be more relatable to people. It helps you to be a better teammate. It helps you be a better spouse. All of those things because you're not putting your your life limits or your life experience on somebody else's life because they're in their own journey. So making sure to have emotional control that means being able to listen. That means it being able to control your emotions. Being able to have empathy and at the same time understanding the emotions that you have within you and how to be able to communicate those.

Emotional control is the ability to have an emotional response, but also be able to control it in the moment. It is important when dealing with tolerance and empathy, as it helps us to be more relatable and a better teammate, spouse, etc. It involves listening, controlling emotions, having empathy, and understanding our own emotions.

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Emotional control, as I define it, is the ability to have an emotional response while maintaining control in the moment and understanding how to manage those emotions. It can be challenging, especially when facing unfamiliar or intense emotions or forming strong opinions. Emotional control is crucial for cultivating tolerance and empathy. In my younger years, I would dismiss others' pain or complaints if they hadn't experienced what I had gone through. That lack of emotional control hindered my ability to relate to others. Developing emotional control allows us to connect better with people, whether as a teammate, spouse, or in any other role. It involves not projecting our life limits or experiences onto others because everyone is on their own journey. Emotional control entails active listening, managing our own emotions, practicing empathy, and effectively communicating our emotions.

Robert Verhelst answers your First Responders questions. See all the advice Robert Verhelst has and get answers to your own First Responders questions.

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Fireman Rob is known as a dynamic storyteller with an inspirational voice, on the courage to lead your life with a resilient mindset. He helps people become greater assets to themselves and others, with the ability to lead with courage, passion and mental strength. 

Fireman Rob delivers powerful impact to audiences through his stories and catalysts that have been Forged In The Fires of his life. From numerous years in the fire service to surviving on Discovery Channel’s show “Ultimate Ninja Challenge” to performing search & recovery after the September 11th attacks. His message resonates with everyone and has proven results. 

From surviving post-traumatic stress disorder to breaking a Guinness World Record to being a dad, he lives his message and delivers the fire to the audience.

ACCOLADES •  2012 Ironman Performance of the Year •  2012 HITS Triathlon Athlete of the Year •  2014 In Business Magazine “25 Most Influential People in Greater Madison” •  2015 Jefferson Award 