First Responders

How do you handle your stress for a work day when you get home?

Finding the best way to handle work stress

So how do I handle the stress when I get home? I think you have to understand that you're not going to be perfect at this. And not being perfect at being able to handle stress and being able to find the best way is something that is hard for first responders' minds to be able to wrap around because we are always that first responder thinking of, here's the problem, here's the solution, let's move on. And so when you're dealing with stress, it's so important to have your way of figuring out what it's going to be, whether it's exercise. I use exercise, but when I was injured, I wasn't able to use exercise, so I used something that was not as good, it was eating. And so trying to figure out better, more healthy ways of doing work around the house, being engaged in your kid's life, there's so many different things that we can utilize to help with our stress. Sometimes it is medication that you need, and being open to being able to take that is probably one of the bigger things. And for me, it's been a lot of different things that I've had to utilize, and that's okay. And making sure that your ultimate goal is to be that three-quarters full person and be okay with that.

To handle the stress when you get home, it is important to find healthy and effective outlets to destress. Exercise, engaging with your kids and openmindedness to taking medication are just some of the ways to manage stress. Your goal should be to remain 3/4 full and be okay with that.

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Handling stress when I get home from work is not something I'm perfect at, and that's important to acknowledge. As a first responder, it can be challenging for our minds to grasp the idea of not having a perfect solution for handling stress. It's crucial to find our own ways of managing stress, whether it's through exercise, engaging in household tasks, or being involved in our children's lives. Personally, I rely on exercise, but when I was injured, I had to find alternative methods like eating, which was not as healthy. Finding healthier alternatives is an ongoing process. Sometimes medication may be necessary, and being open to that option is important. For me, it has been a combination of various strategies to manage stress, and that's perfectly fine. The ultimate goal should be striving for a state of being three-quarters full and being content with that.

How do you prioritize and celebrate your own personal victories, and what advice do you have for others who may struggle with recognizing and celebrating their own successes?

The Power of Celebrating Victories and Embracing the Journey

You know, this is one of those things that when you celebrate successes, and it's not an easy thing to do, and sometimes you can outwardly look like you're celebrating or outward look like you're really excited about the success, but inwardly you're going, well, that challenge is over, so now what am I going to do? What am I going to do with myself? And did I set that goal too low? Is there more possibility out there? So I think there's a lot of room for us to understand that when we look at finish lines, and I always tell people, when you look at finish lines, they aren't the end. They're just the beginning of something new. And a lot of people say that that's, well, you're not enjoying the success. It's like, yes, I am enjoying the success of a continued journey. And that's the way I look at things is that success and victories and being able to make sure that you understand that the journey of life is what you're on. And every single day that you get to wake up, every single day that you get to enjoy what you love to do, that is a celebration. And so make sure that you are constantly, constantly being appreciative of the journey. And don't look at all the finish lines, look at what's next, maybe. Be satisfied, but be hungry.

Celebrating success is not always easy and sometimes we can look like we are celebrating, but inwardly we may be feeling anxious about what comes next. Success isn't about reaching the finish line - it's about enjoying the journey and being appreciative of what you have been able to achieve. Be satisfied with your accomplishments, but also stay hungry for more.

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Prioritizing and celebrating personal victories can be challenging. Sometimes, even when we outwardly celebrate, we may internally question if we set our goals too low or if there's more potential to explore. It's important to recognize that finish lines are not the end but the beginning of something new.

I believe that success and victories are part of a continued journey. Rather than solely focusing on reaching a specific goal, it's crucial to appreciate the entire journey of life. Waking up each day and being able to pursue what we love is a reason to celebrate. It's about finding satisfaction in our accomplishments while maintaining a hunger for what lies ahead.

My advice to others who struggle with recognizing and celebrating their own successes is to shift their perspective. Embrace the idea that each day is an opportunity for growth and enjoyment. Instead of fixating on finish lines, focus on what's next and continue to appreciate the journey. Be grateful for the present moment and maintain a sense of ambition and curiosity.

When in your career did you start to seek support? Do you think it was after you should have?

Late in seeking support, but finding the right help transformed my career

This is a great question. When in your career did you start to seek support? Do you think it was after you should have? Oh, completely it was after I should have. I think I started to seek support when I started to go downhill. I think there was a lot of years where I didn't really know who I was. I think I hit a lot of things really, really well and seeking support wasn't really that, it wasn't in the forefront of my mind. It wasn't something, I didn't think I had a problem because this is just what it was. And you know hearing from other people when I was, after I came back from September 11th that man you're different or something was different that, that triggered something but it didn't trigger something soon enough. And I think I had to get to a point where I didn't see myself as being functional. I didn't see myself as being the person that I wanted to be to be able to get to that point to ask for help. And even when I did ask for help it was, it took many different attempts to find the right person to be able to help me. And it took me really taking the initiative to admit that it's okay to not be okay. I know a lot of people say that but that's so valuable to try to find that and seek that support that you need.

I started to seek support after I hit a low point and realized that I wasn't functioning as well as I wanted to. It took me some time to find the right person to help me, but I eventually did take the initiative to admit that it was okay to not be okay and seek out the support I needed.

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This is a great question. When did I start seeking support in my career? Do I think it was after I should have? Absolutely, it was after I should have. I didn't start seeking support until I started experiencing a decline in my well-being. For many years, I didn't truly know who I was. I managed to hide a lot of things well, and seeking support wasn't a priority for me. I didn't think I had a problem because I believed that's just how things were.

It wasn't until others started noticing a change in me, particularly after I returned from September 11th, that something triggered inside me. However, it took me a while to act on it. I had to reach a point where I no longer saw myself as functioning or the person I wanted to be before I finally asked for help.

Even when I did seek help, it took several attempts to find the right person who could truly assist me. I had to take the initiative to acknowledge that it's okay to not be okay. Many people say that, but it's truly valuable to actively seek the support you need and find the right resources to help you.

If time was no issue, what skill or characteristic would you work on more?  Why?

Unearthing Empathy: The Skill Worth Cultivating Without Constraints

If time were no issue, what skill or characteristic would you work on more? I think mine, I would work on empathy. One of the things throughout my career, I think I've decreased my empathy, and not only at work, but at home. And so I think if I had, if time were no issue, I would definitely try to work on my empathy and become more sympathetic to other people's issues and sympathetic to huge tragedies don't have to be what debilitates people or what people go through for struggles and understand that other people's challenges and struggles are theirs and to what degree they find that difficult, that needs to be something that you're aware of. So I think that would be the biggest characteristic that I work on.

I would use my free time to work on my empathy and become more sympathetic to other people's issues and struggles.

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If time was not a constraint, the skill or characteristic I would work on more is empathy. Throughout my career, I feel that my level of empathy has decreased, not just at work but also in my personal life. Given unlimited time, I would prioritize developing empathy and becoming more sympathetic towards others' struggles. It's important to recognize that significant tragedies are not the only things that can debilitate people or cause them to go through difficult experiences. Understanding and acknowledging the challenges and struggles that others face, regardless of their magnitude, is crucial. Working on empathy would be the most significant characteristic I would focus on improving.

What is the best advice you’ve ever received?

Powerful Advice: Control the Controllables for Less Stress

Great question. What the best advice I've ever received is and it's really comes from my dad, control the controllables. And it's such a powerful statement that and it's so simple in the same respect of control what you can control in life and that helps to alleviate some of the stress that surrounds you because when you look at a situation or when you look at a problem or you look at something that is challenging you and you look at from a perspective of is this something that I can lead or is this something that I can change in my own way. If you can't it's outside of your purview and the more that you bang your head against the wall the more that you try and try again maybe it's something that you'll never be able to control. So understand in life there are certain things that you can control so manage the controllables. Such a great piece of advice from my dad.

My dad's best advice is to control the controllables. This means that instead of worrying about things we can't change, focus on what we can do to make our situation better.

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The best advice I've ever received is from my dad: Control the controllables. It's a simple yet powerful statement. It reminds me to focus on what I can control in life and let go of the things beyond my influence. When faced with a challenge or a difficult situation, I ask myself if it's something I can lead or change in my own way. If not, it's outside of my control. There's no point in banging my head against the wall and endlessly trying to change something that may be beyond my reach. Instead, I strive to understand that there are certain things within my control, and I prioritize managing those aspects. This advice has had a profound impact on me and has helped alleviate unnecessary stress. Thanks to my dad for sharing this invaluable piece of wisdom.

How do you incorporate self care into your personal and professional life, and what impact has it had on your success?

Unlocking Success: Harnessing the Power of Self-Care in Life and Work

Thanks. Self-care is such an important part between having that personal life and professional life and making sure that they don't well impact each other. But at the same point, you can have success in one and a different kind of success in the other. For me it's a constant when it's a struggle, but it's a constant battle or challenge. That I'm going through with getting the right kind of self care for myself. Self. Because life changes situations change. You have to be able to have a good support group, as well as the understanding of what you need in that moment to be successful. And I always say, don't worry about living the life life of success, but live a life of value. And I think that's the biggest thing that I strive for both in my personal and professional life.

Self-care is an important part of balancing personal and professional life. It's a constant challenge to get the right kind of self-care for myself, but I strive for living a life of value rather than success.

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Incorporating self-care into both my personal and professional life is crucial to ensure a healthy balance and prevent them from negatively impacting each other. It's a constant challenge that I face, as life and situations are constantly changing. I prioritize having a strong support group and understanding my own needs in order to be successful.

I believe that it's more important to live a life of value rather than solely focusing on achieving success. Striving for a meaningful and fulfilling life is my ultimate goal, both personally and professionally.

Robert Verhelst answers your First Responders questions. See all the advice Robert Verhelst has and get answers to your own First Responders questions.

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Fireman Rob is known as a dynamic storyteller with an inspirational voice, on the courage to lead your life with a resilient mindset. He helps people become greater assets to themselves and others, with the ability to lead with courage, passion and mental strength. 

Fireman Rob delivers powerful impact to audiences through his stories and catalysts that have been Forged In The Fires of his life. From numerous years in the fire service to surviving on Discovery Channel’s show “Ultimate Ninja Challenge” to performing search & recovery after the September 11th attacks. His message resonates with everyone and has proven results. 

From surviving post-traumatic stress disorder to breaking a Guinness World Record to being a dad, he lives his message and delivers the fire to the audience.

ACCOLADES •  2012 Ironman Performance of the Year •  2012 HITS Triathlon Athlete of the Year •  2014 In Business Magazine “25 Most Influential People in Greater Madison” •  2015 Jefferson Award 