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Emotional literacy is the ability to recognize and name emotions, express them appropriately, and regulate them in a healthy way. It also involves understanding other people's emotions and helping to co-regulate if necessary. Transcript: "Okay, so what is emotional literacy? Emotional literacy is a blanket term. Basically what it means is that you understand emotions. That means you're able to recognize your own emotions, name them, express them appropriately, and also regulate them, meaning that you allow your emotions to inform you, but you don't allow them to control you. Emotional literacy also involves understanding other people's emotions, but it's incredibly difficult to do that when you can't understand your own. But it does involve being able to recognize emotions in other people, to be able to name them, and to be able to help co-regulate if that's someone who is a significant person to you. But emotional literacy is generally a blanket term that involves all the ways in which we can understand emotions."
A basic mental fitness regimen should include having a routine and being flexible to deviate from it when necessary. Transcript: "What does a basic mental fitness regimen look like? I'm a big fan of routine, routine, routine. And to make sure that the water is about as clear as mud, be flexible and be capable of deviating from that routine. If you know what to expect and you are capable of deviating from those expectations, then from a mental fitness standpoint, you're pretty much ready for anything."
I would tell my friend that talking about their feelings is a basic part of being human, and that even if they don't want to talk about the feelings, talking about their actions can be a good place to start. Counseling can help them open the door to understanding their feelings better. Transcript: "What would I say to a friend that claims counseling is a waste of time because they don't like talking about their feelings? I think the first thing I would say is, man, you need counseling. And the reason is that we should be able to talk about our feelings with other people, whether they be friends, family, even a single-serving friend on an airplane. Our emotions are part of what makes us human. And so I would say if they can't engage in that basic level of humanity, then they need help. Now, let's say they're really resistant. No, no, no, I don't like to talk about feelings. All right, well, then I might say, you don't have to talk about the feeling. Sometimes you have to talk about the action. Most of the time in the cognitive process, thoughts create feelings, and negative feelings require an action to help relieve the feeling. Maybe what they need to be talking about is their actions, not necessarily the feeling that gets them there. If nothing else, it's a great way to open the door and a great place to start. So that's probably where I'd start with that friend."
I write down my rules and values that I want to live by, and then I ask myself on a daily basis if I am living up to those standards. If not, I make changes to my behavior in order to align it with my philosophy of life. Transcript: "How do I align my everyday behaviors with my philosophy of life? Not gonna lie, this one's easy. I wrote them down and I took it off of the wall in my office specifically so I could say this, these are my rules to live by, my philosophy of life, if you will. And it's simple. I take a look at my behaviors on a daily basis and I ask, am I breaking any of my rules? If I'm breaking my rules, I'm not living up to my everyday philosophy of life and my values and who I believe I am as a human being. That's what my rules are all about. We don't do this very often. It's not like people say like, what kind of rules do you live your life by? Usually it's dictated at us. But me, I wrote mine down. I have a piece of paper that I take a look at, am I living life my way by my rules?"
My definition of success is making impact to improve the world, and I measure it by my clients reporting progress towards their goals. Transcript: "What is my definition of success and how do I measure it? Okay, definition of success. During the course of my day, have I made enough impact to say that I have improved the world to some degree? How do I measure it? Within my work as a therapist, are my clients getting the improvement and the movement towards their goals that they're looking for out of me? Sometimes it's a matter of baby steps, the smallest of steps. Sometimes we even have to go backwards in progress in order so that we can move ourselves forward. I do think it's really important to make sure that your definition of success and your measure align. If your measure is not an accurate representation of your success, then you need to take a look at how you're measuring. That's really important. It can definitely lead you to misinformation if those two aren't aligning. So for me, it's about my clients reporting to me that they are making strides, that they feel they're making strides towards their specific goals. That allows me to measure if I'm making an impact in the world. Relatively simple, but not the simplest thing in the world."
Cussing with someone can be an effective tool to motivate others, while cussing at someone is usually a breakdown in communication and can degrade the relationship. Transcript: "Is cussing an effective tool to motivate others? Fuck if I know. However, I do think it's important to differentiate. Is cussing at someone an effective tool versus cussing with someone an effective tool? Given the fact that I deal with a lot of military veterans, swearing is a part of our, it's a part of our language. And so cussing with my veteran friends, my veteran clients, it becomes an us kind of language. So can it motivate? Absolutely. However, if I'm cussing at someone, this is probably a breakdown in communication. It's probably degrading the communication level that I have with this person. And on top of that, it's probably degrading the relationship. So cussing as an effective tool to motivate others. Cussing with, absolutely. Bring on the us, bring on the we. Cussing at, you are othering someone that you probably, if you're trying to motivate them, you need to be inclusive with that type of language. All right."